While sitting down and do nothing, I often think about myself toward this beautiful world. I believe that I was born for a purpose and there is a role I have to play during my lifetime. My head is never taking break from thinking something, the issue that I encounter during the life that always makes me thinking every time is friendship. The past 5 years, I distributed my mind with a lot of community around me, I experienced happy, tears, joy, anxiety or even a betrayal at the same time. Those moment happened because I put almost my trust for them, like literally I believe them. Was it wrong? Some figures prefer putting a borderline when trusting their friend, me? I have not consider it yet. Once I trust my friend, I will trust them. Eventually, once they betrayed me, I would not put any small sense of trust to them again. Whatever the reason is.
I have been questioning myself regarding friendship because its too wide topic to discuss. Eventually, I could not let it go, It was always running around my head. It was bad.
One really matters at this moment is communication. I lost contact with most them after graduated from University, I did not what they do or where they are going into. I only see them through social media account and never reach out to them, Oh I hate myself for this. But this is actually what I felt when texting them. I just say hello and I do not mean anything rather than hear their days been so far, I just want to know that they are okay but sometime I felt like “this is not necessary cause they will read and not replying immediately”. Not all of them, I still keep in touch numbers of friends and it was great.
Being honest is unacceptable for certain group, it is false. Eventually I could not hold back to this and I do not expect to much again for a friendship anymore. Long time ago, I feel like friends are everything in my eyes but after certain period, nah man. I could not imagine that they will disclose my information with the other friend and talking bad things about me. Then, I was always afraid that somebody would take my friends out of me and guess what happened? It happened. Some said “I did not want to do this, I did not like it” and I saw next day they did what they did not like it. It was funny and hurting at the same time, I trust what they were saying but at the same time, they did what things that they disliked. What the hell.
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