unravelling

Discipline is one of the hardest things in my life, in terms of everything it’s very difficult. Following my trading journey, this is the most challenging thing I have been dealing with over the past 6 months. Since I started the journey, I can’t be really discipline with my trading plan, everyday I traded against my own plan. Like it was hilarious. I made the trading plan but I was the one who broke it. Silly.

Concerning the discipline, I’ll tell you the truth. Last week and this week is the biggest loss that I experienced for my trading journey, I lost about 9K USD in total just from last week and this week. It was completely shattered myself into pieces, I could not think clearly and always wanted to recover the great loss. It turn out I was doing revenge trading, opening many positions without analysing the market sentiment. I just wanted to recover all my previous loss. The result, even bigger loss. I did not want to look at the chart for a day, even I did not want to hold my phone. I threw my phone to the ground when I saw $4K floating loss on my meta trader, gezzz. My mental could not handle it well, I cut it out and my hand were just shaking. I had never been losing $4000 in the blink of an eye, that was in a second and the market completely wiped it out when I was doing cut loss.

I scratched my head and thought “Julian, you were completely a moron and idiot, why did you do that?” Oh god, I was trade against the trend, that was my first mistake. The second mistake that made it even worse was I place hundreds layers of position which accumulated and boom all of the were red. What I should had done is not doing that, not trading if I did not find a good setup. Just relax and stay still. Instead, I had done it. Huhhh, well It happened already and I could not turn the clock back and rewind what had occurred. I accept it already and since then, I managed to open and try to find a good setup only throughout the day. There is always a robust reason and insightful lesson from my loss. Here is as follows;

I would conclude it as concise as I could for what had happened to me regarding the loss. Discipline and risk management are always the priority, no matter how much profit that I can generate from trading but If I could not protect the capital and have proper risk management, I wont be a trader just a silly gambler. On top of that, I decided to purchase funded account, the FTMO swing trading account. Since they have strict rules concerning risk management and max drawdown during trading, I believe it will my mind to control the risk. I would think this decision seem a bit in a rush but after 6 months doing this and I still cannot be disciplined, let myself adjust to the rules from now on otherwise I will stuck in this circle forever. There is always lesson behind any circumstances. Lets see what happen in the next 6 months. Cherrio.